The Big Event

If things had gone in one direction (and I'm sure such events are still taking place in a parallel universe somewhere), I was supposed to get married this year. The date was set for July. As we all know, this course events was averted through my own efforts, and now that date is just another Saturday. But, something happened this week that has many elements of a wedding: I gave a recital.

How it was like a wedding:

1) I got to wear a pretty dress. It wasn't white, but it was ivory, almost a light butter-yellow. It was sparkly and twinkly and flattering. I didn't have multiple fittings (I didn't even have it altered), and it cost me less than most regular dresses, and probably 5% of what a real wedding dress costs.

2) I had my hair and make-up done for the occasion. A student of mine, YJ, turned the middle part of the Music Office in an ersatz salon, which was funny. Despite the surroundings, she did a spectacular job. It was perhaps the prettiest I will ever look. 

3) It took a lot of preparation. I spent months picking out and learning the repertoire for the concert. All the songs were new to me. I had the idea for a recital maybe a year ago, and I rehearsed and practiced and dedicated a lot of time to the planning and execution.

4) There were flowers involved. Of course, they all came after the fact, but that's okay. One of my students gave me the prettiest bunch of flowers I have EVER received. Gigantic orange roses (darker at the tips of the petals), huge lilies, and some flowers I don't even know what they are, all in one spectacular bunch. Wow. I also received other lovely bouquets which were beautiful and are decorating my house now.

5) Music was involved. Duh.

6) It was video-documented for future generations. The recital went so well, I was thinking about putting some clips up on YouTube. (Although, entre nous, I think that the lens on the camera is weird and that I look like a giant ivory whale at some parts of the video. Please note that I am not actually fat in real life. See the DecaAnnoying list for more details.)

7) Most importantly, my friends and colleagues came out to see it. Of course my family was missing from the picture, but that's why God made DVDs. Still, the place was packed--students sitting in the aisles--and it was just a room full of love and support.

How it was not like a wedding:

1) There was no reception or food. Later on in the day, though, a bunch of folks I know came out with me for drinks and eats, and we had ourselves a hell of a time.

2) It was inexpensive. The dress cost me next-to-nothing, and I didn't have to rent a hall or anything. I think the only thing I spent money on were downloads from iTunes, photocopies, and gifts for my accompanists and other helping hands. I don't even think anyone let me pay for drinks that evening either.

3) I didn't have to share the decision-making with anyone. That was nice.

4) I remained unmarried at the end of it. This might be my favorite part. I did have three accompanists share the stage with me, but none of them popped the question.

5) I don't have any pictures. Can you believe that? I forgot my camera and we had to vacate the recital hall quickly afterwards (there was something else going on in there), so I had zero photo-ops. Doesn't that just beat all? 

The recital was only an hour, but I have memories that will last forever. I'm glad I did it, and I think it went really well. I don't know what the future holds for me, but whether a wedding is ultimately part of the grand scheme of my life, I'm sure recitals will make appearances now and then. It was a magical day, a day where I looked like a sparkly princess, and I got to go home and be just me at the end of it. That felt perfectly right. 

~Hero

The DecaAnnoying List

I'm not really a complainer. Occasionally, I'm a venter. Here's a venting list of 10 annoying things.

1. Abnormal lightbulbs. I have to spend some of my Saturday making a special trip to Home Depot to buy fluorescent bulbs for my kitchen light. *shakes fist at ceiling*

2. Cockroach characters. I saw Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D last night (and it was amazing), but one of the main characters is Dr. Cockroach, a man-sized insect of the roachy variety. And Wall-E's sidekick was likewise such a thing (albeit normal sized). Now, they're well-drawn (no pun intended) characters, but do they really have to be the thing that's, like, top 3 on my "willies" list?

3. No decompression period. I foolishly made my office hours come right after class. I didn't give myself a break because I wanted to get out earlier. The problem is, I come right out of a three-hour class and then talk for another two hours because the steady stream of students doesn't care that I haven't had a chance to eat yet. I'd like even just fifteen minutes to sit quietly and chill out before I have to face the hordes. The thing is, I have the power to change this, but when I'm making up my schedule, the siren song of getting out at 2:30 is extremely compelling.

4. The lack of good food on campus. We've made strides here with the opening of Tully's Coffee, but all of the sammies they sell have mayonnaise on them. And if you know anything about me, you know I hate mayonnaise. It turns out Tully's is probably the best chain coffee place in terms of environmental impact and the way they treat their employees, but the mayonnaisiness of their sammies keeps me brown-bagging it. Although now I know the head guy over there so maybe I can change this one too.

5. Missing mailboxes. There used to be two mailboxes that I mailed the lion's share of my stuff in. The one a block away from my apartment, and the one at the opposite end of campus. In the last couple of months, BOTH mailboxes have been taken away. Don't know why, but now I actually have to carefully plan when and where I mail stuff.

6. The fat content of chocolate and peanut butter. Why are Reese's Peanut Butter cups so caloric-ly resplendent? And the Reese's Eggs? I can't go a whole Easter season without eating a few of those, but then I'll have to skip linner or something. *sigh*

7. Facebook status comments. Why can't I respond to each comment separately? Gah. I end up making stupidly general statements that address nothing.

8. Catching up. I put off some important stuff while I was preparing for the recital and now I have to dive into it and catch up. Always like swimming against the tide.

9. Looking fat when you're really not. I don't know what's up with the lens on the video camera that captured my recital, but I look wide as a truck, and I know that's not how it was in real life. Some people who will see it might think, "hmm...I think she gained some weight," and the thing is, the day of the recital, I weighed the least I have weighed in maybe 9 years.

10. Laundry. Do I have to explain this one? Didn't think so.

New DecaAwesome List

This is my 50th blog! Can you believe that? In honor of the occasion, here it is, my darlings: the DecaAwesome List for the week of 3/16. The theme of this week's special blog is: technology.

1. The internets. When I first started using the internet in my grad school research methods class the year was 1995. There were no search engines as we know them today. You had to type in long strings of letters and numbers and backslashes and forward slashes to get to the uncolorful, uninteresting-looking pages that held information. The majority of musicological research was still done on paper, and internet sources were quite a bit different than they are today. Not only have the internets (yes, I call them this, or the "interwebs") changed life as we know it, but recent public sites like YouTube have revolutionized the way I write program notes and teach voice. Great performances are at my students' (and my) fingertips. I don't have to run out and buy the CD or even download it from iTunes. It's right there for me to see and hear whenever I want, 24/7. And I'm not even mentioning the miracle of other sites I use daily.

2. "Series of Tubes." In 2006, this is how former Senator Ted Stevens (Republican, Alaska) described the internet. Yes, my loves, the internet is a series of tubes. It's just about the funniest thing I've ever heard, like ever. I once tried to tell this story to people, but I was laughing so hard, it took me 15 minutes to even finish the phrase, "series of tubes." Now, when I can't stop laughing (which happens often), I call it, "A 'series of tubes' moment." Read more about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Series_of_tubes

3. iTunes. Some days I wake up singing a song like "Tarzan Boy" or "Break My Stride" and I'll think to myself, 'wouldn't it be nice to hear that song again today?' and there it is on iTunes. I can get it, if you'll pardon the expression, for a song, at 99 cents.

4. Blackberry. Texting, the interwebs, email, all at my fingertips. I've also discovered the true joy of something I never used to do: ignoring it sometimes.

5. Netflix. Movies of your choosing come to your mailbox. When you give one back (and you can keep it for as long as you like), you get another one. If that isn't fast enough, you can watch movies instantly on your computer. My roommate and I burn through Netflix like a warm knife through buttah. We watch movies, documentaries, entire seasons of TV series, and cartoons. It's brilliant.

6. Texting. I've mentioned this before. I have trouble committing to phone calls lately. I only have little snippets of time between stuff to talk and it's hard to have a phone call like that. But little snippets perfect for texting. Also, I have a full keyboard so that makes texting easy.

7. Facebook events. I invited people to my recital using Facebook events. I have RSVP'ed for many Facebook events. It's a great way to share upcoming happenings, and since most people Facebook every day, you get a lot of responses right away.

8. Online banking and bill pay. Instant knowledge about how much you have or owe. You can know what checks have cleared and which ones are outstanding. You can transfer money from one account to another while sitting at home drinking cocoa in your pajamas. You can pay bills without using stamps. You can make sure that payment isn't late by submitting it today online. What could be easier?

9. Google Docs. I can share documents with people if I want feedback. I can keep documents in progress on Google Docs so I can work on them from any computer with internet access. It's a great backup for stuff, and I great way to make sure I'm always working from the latest draft.

10. Blogging. Months ago, when I put my "Blog-A-Week" project into effect, I just thought it was good writing practice. It ended up being good therapy, and it's something I look forward to every week. I love making these lists especially, because it encourages me to find special things that happen every week and to appreciate them. I celebrate them...in blog form. It's also a great way to share what's going on with me. The busier I am, the more disconnected I can feel. But if you read my blog, at the very least you'll know what I've been eating.

Thanks for reading. There's more to come.

Bitter with the Sweet

I've recently gotten some comments from people who think I've developed some bitterness in the last eight or so months. To those people I have two things to say: 1) "No I haven't!" and 2) "Well, if I have, I've earned it." My first reaction is to be righteously indignant, and to defend myself. No, I want to say, I'm just the same as I always was. My second reaction is different. Once I've had a chance to think about it, I realize that I have changed a bit, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I wouldn't be growing if I didn't change. And I suppose part of that change has resulted in me being a little more circumspect, a little more wary, and probably a little more bitter than I once was.

Here's the truth of it. There are things I just don't believe in anymore, and I don't know when or if I'll believe in them again. There are mistakes I've made that I'm not keen on making again, and if it takes a little bitterness to ensure that I don't fall into the same traps, then it's worth it. Perhaps I have lost some of the boundless patience people seem to expect from me. Perhaps I've lost a little bit of the spring in my step. I still think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I still believe in the essential goodness of humanity. I still think I've been blessed with more love in my short life than most people get in eighty good years. The sweet still outweighs the bitter, and I suspect that it always will.

So what if I have scars? I'd rather live fully and leave with scars and stories and laugh lines and, oh I don't know, maybe even a slight limp, than leave completely undamaged and bored as hell (see quote below). The best stories are the ones where everything goes wrong. I don't have a problem with making mistakes, or even having bad experiences. But I--and everyone else--must accept that they are going to change me, and they should, so long as they make me smarter and stronger and better.

Maybe I am more bitter than I was before, but if bitterness is a color (let's say a nice, rich burgundy), then a drop of it on my canvas won't obliterate my picture. No. That small amount is adding contrast and interest and depth. My painting is gaining something that comes with age (and in the case of art history, with Renaissance or rebirth): perspective.

~Hero

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, [beer] in one hand, [chocolate cake] in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'"
--author unknown [There are many variants as to what you should be holding in your hands. Fill in the blanks and personalize it!]

"You gotta take the bitter with the sweet."
--Carl, The Simpsons

DecaAwesome List for the week of 3/9

1. Not taking a bath on taxes. I worked a lot of freelance last year so I was really scared about what I was going to owe. Luckily, I found a good accountant, kept good records, and bought some deductible stuff like a new computer, so I ended up paying an absolutely reasonable amount. How many people say that?

2. Patton Oswalt. Watched his Werewolves and Lollipops special last night. Two words, people: gray drapes. I almost had to stop the DVD because I couldn't stop laughing.

3. Girl Scout Cookies. Yo, it's about that time. Time for Thin Mints and Tagalongs, Do Si Dos and Trefoils. Bought four boxes at my accountant's office (the guy was selling for his daughter's troop). Left with money in my pocket and some Tagalongs!!

4. Sight reading. The process by which people can play or sing a song the first time they look at the music. Since starting college a hundred and six years ago, my sight reading skills have improved dramatically, and they keep improving. I don't take this skill for granted, because I have worked hard on it all of my adult life. It sure does come in handy at choir rehearsals and on mass days where I show up an hour late. (Yes, I'm one of those people who forgot to change my clocks.)

5. Birthdays. There are a lot of them coming up. Lots to celebrate. We had cake and pizza for one of the faculty today and there's more where that came from. March is a birthday-riffic month.

6. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I love this actor for a lot of things he's done. Most especially, he is Papa Winchester on Supernatural, but he was also the cutest thing ever in P.S. I Love You, where he played a hot Irish dude (and you get to see his butt!). But anyway, I started watching Weeds on DVD last night and he plays a dead guy in that show too! That makes three shows where JDM plays a dead guy in flashbacks, memories, or dreams: Grey's Anatomy (he started out alive, but then died), Supernatural (he started out missing, but alive, and then later died), and Weeds (the show is about his widow). Yay for JDM who just rocks the posthumous guest-starring gig! Also, he's hotter than the sun. Have I mentioned that? Also, I haven't seen Watchmen yet, but I think the death of his character starts the events of the film in motion. So, yeah, JDM and death, perfect together.

7. Stations of the Cross. Last night, there was a service at my church where we went through and meditated on each station of the cross (the steps Jesus took to his crucifixion). As far as I'm concerned, the Stations of the Cross service is the most moving service of the entire church year. I always feel really affected by it, and last night was no exception.

8. Making a difference. It's funny, sometimes the worst thing about your day can turn around and be the best thing a day later. I had some drama with someone earlier in the week, but I think we have both grown considerably because of it. I was so upset about it a couple of days ago, but I'm so glad that it happened now. I think we're both better off.

9. Time Magazine. I got this magazine for years when I was a student (big discount off the regular price), and I used to read it all the time. Well, I bought it in the supermarket last night and I'm enjoying it. It's a bit more...eh, how do I put this...it's a bit less than what it used to be, but I bet it appeals to more people now. Still, I'm enjoying it. Now that I don't have to worry about someone else's reaction to the news, I'm actually having fun learning about what's going on in the world.

10. John Adams. The composer. I got tickets to hear him speak at the Public Library in May. I am so excited. He's a great speaker and an interesting guy. I think there's going to be a book signing afterwards, so I will be sure to crack open his autobiography by then.

The Way We Look to a Song

In the song "Yellow," there's a lyric that goes, "I came along/ I wrote a song for you, and all the things you do." Well, I have always wanted someone to write a song for me (or, you know, the things I do). I mean, I'm an artist myself so I create stuff, but the idea of being a muse in some way to another artist is pretty cool. I've known many musicians in my life, a decent handful of them are songwriters or composers, and I thought for sure someone would have penned a tune for me by now. But no. Zip. Zero. Nada. I sing in a folk duo and the guy who writes all the songs is constantly writing songs about, like, everyone, but I haven't gotten the treatment yet. Years ago, a friend told me he wrote me a song for my birthday, but I never got to hear it so I don't think that counts.

But two weeks ago, it finally happened.

My roommate, T is a composer, and he's been writing a lot recently. He wrote this amazing rock song that I absolutely adored. There was something about it that touched me, from the first time I heard it. It just seemed to capture some of the things I had been feeling about my life, even without words. Well, one night, he was struggling to think of lyrics, and I was trying to help by giving suggestions (i.e. the futility of life; people who are jerks). Then I went to bed. A couple of hours later--I was asleep, mind you--there was a knock on my door. T wanted me to come out and hear what he had ended up writing, so I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and followed him.

The song--the one that I had loved as I heard it taking shape--now had lyrics. And those lyrics were about me and my life. T wrote it almost like I was singing it, from my point of view. It's a snarky, angry song, and all I can say is that it's freaking brilliant. (I'm not going to reveal the words are here, because I don't want to scoop T. You'll have to wait for the album.) 

After he sang it for me, I just turned to him and said, "I'm still asleep, right? Because this is a dream come true!" I didn't even mind losing sleep over it because when I woke up the next morning, I realized that I could cross something off my life list. The experiences of my life acted as inspiration for a fellow artist. My official "muse" card is coming in the mail soon! W00t!

Now, I realize it's not the same as having someone start out from scratch with the sole goal of writing a song for me, but it's close enough and I will take it. This might be the only song that's ever written for me...and, you know, the things I do, so I'm going to make the most of it.

~Hero

DecaAwesome List for weeks 2/22-3/2

I've been meaning to do this list for days, but it was an extremely busy weekend and I just didn't have the time. So here we go! Also, I should note that there will be no food on this list just because my Mom thinks I'm getting too much sugar. So, even though I'm eating something delicious right now, I won't tell you what it is.

1. Sideways. The movie, not the direction. I just saw a paper at a film music conference about this movie and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed seeing it. I used to own Sideways on DVD, but if I'm not mistaken, I lost it in the "divorce." But here's the good news: I bought it as a Christmas present for a colleague, but he had just purchased it himself, so I still have a DVD here at work, and it's still half-wrapped in Christmas paper. Early Christmas for me!

2. Spring Break. It's not here yet, but I'm really looking forward to it. I might even have a visitor!

3. Old Sport. This nickname refers to a person I knew in high school and recently reconnected with. I don't remember who started calling him "Old Sport," but I do know two things: 1) the nickname stuck right away, and 2) the name comes from the Great Gatsby. I haven't seen O.S. in about 17 years, but since we've been Facebooking and texting, it's like no time has passed. He's a good man who has his head on straight. It's actually quite refreshing to talk to someone like that. Also, he's cute!

4. Lilies of the Valley. My favorite flower, and the flower of my birth month. I have been toying with the idea of trying to grow my own since they are hard to come by. Such a pretty flower. They were all over a design photo spread in this month's Family Circle (many thanks to Nanny for my subscription!).

5. Target. Where else can you buy Lucky Charms, Drano, Monopoly, a candle, and a shirt all in one place? I bought a couple of new sweaters there last week for $15, along with cereal and Windex. It's truly one-stop shopping. But you must say "Tarjay" and make sure that "j" sounds French.

6. Hikes without Mics. This is a hiking and music event put on my some friends of mine under an umbrella organization they created called The Natural Stage Project. A bunch of folks hike to a location and once there, they eat, play music, and enjoy nature. My folk group was the featured guest on the bill at yesterday's Hikes without Mics in Griffith Park. The weather was perfect, the "stage" was rocky, but lovely, and the food and company were great. It was a beautiful day all around. I can't wait until the next one!

7. Drinking songs. I went to see my friend play at the Pig N' Whistle on Friday night and he played a drinking song he wrote. It was right at the beginning of the set, so it made the whole crowd drink together and bond. I think the crowd was definitely in the right state of mind after that.

8. Clicking. You know when you meet someone that they're "your kind of person?" At the same show Friday night I met a guy named Tom Riddle (yes, that's his real honest-to-god name) and within about two minutes of sitting at the same table watching our mutual friend play, it was clear that we were definitely on the same page. He made a Salacious Crumb joke and it was on. I don't have romantic interest in him (and even if I did, I'm still in my "year off"), but I think he'd make a really cool friend.

9. Conferences. I went to the first musicology conference I have been to in about three years, I think. Some of it is inevitably boring, but there's always something fun and interesting that just inspires, or makes me want to go learn about new things. It makes me miss musicology too, somewhat, but when I see students at those conferences who are ABD (all but dissertation) who are looking for work, I am grateful to have a job at all.

10. Ear plugs. A must-have for anyone who values their ears. I got a little carrying case for ear plugs when I attended the drag races with my cousin (her husband's company is a sponsor). The case says Castrol on it. I use them when I'm at a concert or even when the PA system somewhere is too loud. They're also a godsend when my roommate is working on his music and I'm trying to sleep. It's not often that noise keeps me awake, but when he's recording the screaming vocals to some rock songs, I pop in my ear plugs and I'm asleep in no time.