DecaAwesome List

Here are 10 awesome things for the week of 1/26/09

1. My Dad. It was his birthday last week. He is a truly super guy. Good and decent. Kind and generous. He is a hard-working man, and I got my work ethic and sense of mental organization from him. I get crap done because I spent my whole life watching him get crap done. For years, I didn't think I was like him at all--I definitely share more obvious traits with my Mom--but the older I get, the more of him I see in me. Even though I am more of a loose cannon than he is, there is a core of something within me that is just pure Dad. And maybe it's ineffable stuff, but it's some of the best stuff about me.

2. King's Hawaiian Sweet Rolls. Squishy and delicious. See, it's bread, but it's also a little bit sweet. It's awesome.

3. Coincidences. My sister and I--for probably the fifth time--purchased the same greeting card for an occasion. This time, we bought the same card for Dad's birthday. Please keep in mind that we shop in different stores and that we live 3,000 miles apart. Yes, it's happened already. A bunch of times. Isn't that insane? I love it.

4. Combining cereal. For a low-calorie snack that satisfies my sweet tooth, I've been mixing half a bowl of Special K (red berries) with half a bowl of Lucky Charms. It sounds crazy, but I think it's deliciousness.

5. Thesaurus.com. Brought to you by the same people who made Dictionary.com, this website is invaluable when I'm writing blurbs. Writing promotional blurbs for a symphony orchestra's season is impossible without adjectives. Lots of adjectives. Thesaurus.com is the quickest way to find yet another synonym for "masterpiece."

6. My recital. I have just about cemented the program and I am thrilled. It's going to be a great show. Well, I'm going to have fun, at least.

7. The Stand-Up Countdown on Comedy Central. I discovered a couple of really hilarious comics watching this thing. My roommate and I recorded it on the DVR because we didn't want to sit there all day long and watch it. So, we watched it later in the night and when they got down to #1, I was pissed because I didn't know who the guy was, but then he was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing. Instead of fast-forwarding the commercials, we let them play so I'd have time to catch my breath in between bits. The comic's name is Kyle Cease, I think, and he was frickin' high-larious. Seriously, you guys. He's funny.

8. Finally finding a tax guy. My new accountant is a former musician so he knows all about what musicians and artists can claim as deductions. Also, he was the original drummer of the Circle Jerks, so that's pretty cool. I used to wear a Circle Jerks pin on one of my plaid kilts in high school. I thought it complemented that particular plaid rather well. Also, the pin helped keep the skirt from flying open. Also, it had a nun on it so I liked wearing it to Catholic school. I still have this pin; it lives on an army surplus bag I use as a purse sometimes.

9. Poetry. I haven't been much use writing stories or novels recently. It's a little discouraging, but I hope someday I'll be able to do that again. In the meanwhile, I've been writing poetry. Some of it is awful, but I don't really care. It's what I feel I can do right now, so I'm going to do it.

10. Beanie caps. I love these close-fitting wool caps. I have a few of them, but lately, I've just been wearing a plain black one. Keeps my head warm and I look cute. Who could ask for anything more?

Letting Go

We think that holding on is the hardest thing ever. We think that being able to cling to something--without fail--is the biggest challenge the world can set before us. But we're wrong. The hardest thing, the very hardest thing, is letting go.

At twelve bags of garbage and counting, I have been letting go of a lot of things lately. I've thrown away old ticket stubs, notes and gifts from my middle school students (I did keep an awful ceramic bank that's a violin-playing elephant because it's delightfully hideous), printouts of funny internet forwards (I'm pretty sure the internet will hold onto them for me if I want to see them again), and various and sundry other things.

When faced with a choice of throwing something or keeping something, I asked myself, "Do I want to keep this forever?" Because that's really it, isn't it? Do I want to lug this book/greeting card/scrap of paper/business card with me from apartment to apartment for the rest of my life? So: either I throw it away now or I throw it away later, but I can't take it with me. 

I wasn't going out with Ed long when his grandma died, but I was there to help clean things out, and believe me, I was profoundly affected by what I saw.  The woman had drawers full of wallets, closets full of old clothes, a tub full of shoes. And not a Rubbermaid tub from Target. No, I mean a tub--like the claw-footed one you bathe in--and it was full of shoes the woman probably never wore. I kept thinking of her while I was emptying out bins and pulling down stuff from the top of the closet. I would look at something and say, do I want my loved ones to have to figure out what to do with this after I'm dead? I'm not planning on dying any time soon, but I will die someday so I don't think it's such a morbid question to ask.

There are things I want to keep, of course. For example, I have a tub (a small Rubbermaid one from Target) full of Harry Potter memorabilia. Articles, programs from the four HP conventions I attended, licensed merchandise. I'm keeping this because I might have a child someday (or I'll just be everyone's favorite spinster aunt) who will read the books and love them and who will want to know what it was like when J.K. was still writing them. And the kids will be like, "Tell us about the midnight book parties, Auntie Hero!" And I'll be able to show them. 

It's time to get rid of other kinds of stuff too. Old ideas, expectations, unmaterialized possibilities. Do I really want to carry that stuff around with me forever? Of course not. I want to have room in my brain for the new stuff. I certainly won't forget, but I need to let some stuff go. It's just the healthy thing to do.

It's time to throw away old dreams and nurture new ones. It's time to have more room in my closets and shelves, and more room in my life for the things that I want. It's time to start fresh with a clean slate and a clean room. If I hung on to everything, I'd spend all my energy just hanging on. I wouldn't accomplish anything, wouldn't get anywhere. But if I let go, I'll have all the more energy for my growing new life.

Goodbye, twelve bags of old life crap. So long, old ideas. Farewell to all of the things that have weighed me down.

Memories are feather-light, and I feel like flying.

~Hero

The DecaAwesome List

For the week of 1/11 to 11/17

For those of you just joining me, this is a top-ten list of things that have made my week. In no particular order (although the first one is particularly awesome)...

1. My sister. It was her birthday yesterday. There is no one on this earth who could ever be what she is to me. She is part of my heart and soul. She knows me in ways no one else does. She's seen me through everything. She taught me how to read when I was a very teeny little Hero. We're very different, yet we think the same. We'll make the same joke at the same time in response to something. And this still happens, even though I haven't lived in the same state as her for nine years. We don't talk as often as we should, but she's always there with me. She's the voice in my head, Bud Abbott to my Lou Costello, she's Han Freakin' Solo, a force to be reckoned with, a ridiculously talented artist, and the one person I'm sure I want to grow old with.

2. Burt's Bees tinted lip balm. When you just don't feel like dealing with lipstick, but you have to put something on your chapped lips, this is the perfect solution. A hint of color, moisture for the lips, a tiny little tube to stash in your pocket. I use the shade called Papaya. Oh, Burt, you are the man.

3. Gettin' organized. At last count, I have thrown away nine bags of crap, made up three Goodwill bags of clothes (plus two stacks of books), and shredded a ton of stuff (the shredder actually began to smoke at one point. I think it was trying to tell me to take a break.). I can see the top of my desk for the first time in months.

4. Gettin' in shape. I have gone running (well, for me it's more like a combination of jogging and walking) just about every day for the last two weeks. I'm not seeing any big changes yet, but it's not about that. It's about not being a blob any more. And thanks to all of the folks who say they haven't noticed that I've turned into a blob. I hope to continue fooling you until I am at my fighting weight again.

5. Having a workout buddy. My roommate comes running with me sometimes, and when he doesn't, he encourages me to go. When I come back, red and sweaty, he tells me I should be proud of myself. I need that kind of acknowledgment and encouragement, you know? Also, Cat and I are going to try to make a workout date for every week. This way we can catch up with each other and get back into shape.

6. My job. Yes, I complain sometimes. Yes, sometimes I don't want to go. But man, I have to admit it is a pretty damn sweet gig. It's tough, but so rewarding, and I have slightly more job security than a lot of people I know. Also, I've made some really good friends not just with my colleagues, but with some of my former students.

7. Christian Bale. I've seen three of his movies this week: The Dark Knight, American Psycho, and Equilibrium. He is such a rockstar in all of them. I don't particularly find him all that hot. But one has to be attracted to the slick smoothness and utter grace of his movements, especially when he's fighting.

8. Chinese food. One of my favorites. I'm meeting a friend for dinner at this place in Los Feliz and their Lo Mein was to die for. My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

9. Venice Beach. My roommate got a biography of Jim Morrison for x-mas, and we've both been reading it. It's inspired us to go to some of the places where the Doors played or hung out, and we discovered that--you'll never believe it--it's still 1967 at Venice Beach. The nightly drum circle is like a freakin' time warp. Next time I go, I'm bringing an instrument to play. Then I'm gonna write some environmentally conscious poetry and maybe hitchhike cross-country like a Dharma Bum. Or, you know, not.

10. The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest. On the last page of every issue of the New Yorker, they have a cartoon with no caption. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with a clever caption for the drawing. Usually, I am clueless as to what would even make sense for the cartoons, but every week they find three finalists for the previous week's cartoon. And at least one of them is laugh-out-loud funny. My recent favorite (didn't end up winning, btw) showed two business men at work. one of them sporting a cooked turkey under his arm. The caption read something like, "I am useless without my morning turkey." And I don't know why, but I've been laughing out loud at that for weeks.

The Mad Listmaker Strikes Again!!

Next entry in the Blog-A-Week Series

This is a prompt from Facebook, and I'm doing it here since I just started importing this blog over there. My readership should double...to, like, ten. I feel like John Grisham.

Here goes, folks. 16 Random Tidbits about me:

1. I broke my collar bone when I was in 5th grade. I was playing football in a co-ed gym class (that little experiment lasted a year) and another player--who went on to play varsity football in high school--blocked me. I fell on my side, and my collar bone steepled. Hurt like a mo'. It's still sensitive, if you can believe that.

2. I love crossword puzzles. I do them as often as I can. I absolutely adore words, and I think that learning an editor's style is like learning a new language. It's nerd fun at its best.

3. In general, fear does not stop me from doing things. I won't say I'm fearless because that's incorrect. If I'm afraid of something, I tend to think I'm on the right track, and--scared or not--I do it anyway. I'm never regretful later.

4. I'm not a very political person. You know how people say, "If you're not angry, you're just not paying attention?" They're talking about me. I don't know why I can't get into politics, but I just can't. Part of it is probably that my last significant other was heavily political and conservative, and that just isn't me.

5. I'm a voice teacher and I get laryngitis more than anyone else I know.  The piano teacher never gets it. The theory teacher never gets it. But the voice teacher? Bingo. Just lucky, I guess. 

6. I am a huge fan of TV on DVD. There are no commercials, and you can watch a whole season in a couple of weeks. Just finished watching the first seasons of both Dexter and Six Feet Under, and I can't wait to start season 2 of Dexter, SFU, and Psych.

7. One of my favorite ways to fall asleep is with my head in a book.

8. I enjoy watching Tv shows and movies (and reading books) that feature characters who are completely screwed up. I can't figure out if it's because I identify with them, or if they make me feel better about myself. Meh, a little from column A, a little from column B.

9. Despite being a Gemini, I make tons of lists. I owe whatever success I've achieved to lists. I'm serious, it's how I get so much done.

10. I am controlled chaos. Sometimes, I am *barely* controlled chaos.

11. I have just spent the last few days getting rid of a lot of crap I've been hanging on to for no reason. As of tonight, I've thrown away seven giant bags of garbage, and I have a ton of stuff to shred. I also have clothes and books ready to go to Goodwill. I'm trying to simplify.

12. I have an awesome therapist who is helping me get rid of seven bags of emotional garbage. (Nice transition, right?) She is seriously one of the coolest people I know.

13. One of my all-time favorite movies with music is The Commitments. Who knew the Irish had so much soul!

14. I was in a band in high school called Absolut Certainty. We had a lot of fun. At least I did. Hell, the practices were at least as much fun as the times we played out.

15. I can't tell you about #15, because it involves tequila. :-)

16. I hope someday to do voiceovers. I want to be the voice of a cool cartoon character. 

Woo! Done!

The Year in Review

Next installment in the Blog-A-Week Series

It is January third. This is my first blog of the new year and I thought it appropriate to mention some of the milestones of 2008. It was a very important year in many respects, and I'm interested in some perspective.

I know there's important stuff I'm going to forget about (and perhaps write about later), so consider this a work in progress.

I started out the year with a National Association of the Teachers of Singing conference at the Millennium Biltmore. I taught the wintercession at LACC. At the end of January, I got to visit with an old friend when M came to LA from Boston for work. We had a great time. In March I attended a fan convention for the TV show Supernatural. I met some lovely people, saw some really fun stuff (I even asked Jensen Ackles a question!), and got my picture taken with the boys from the show. I also got definitive proof that Jared and Jensen like Shiner Bock, my new favorite American beer. Bonus: running into an old high school friend at the con; he's the head photographer for the convention organization.

When I got home from the con--that very same night--I got an email from someone at the Aspen Music School. They were asking if I was interested in the position of Program Book Editor. I said yes and thus began one of the craziest periods in my life. By the third week of April, I was on my way to Aspen, CO for the wall meeting. The folks at Aspen were extremely hospitable, putting me up in a nice hotel, and renting me a car. It snowed when I got there and was generally beautiful in every way. The job, however, was a bear. By the time May rolled around, I was already pulling all-nighters to stay on top. One of the hardest jobs I've ever done. Maybe the hardest. It's also one of the things I'm most proud of.

All the while, we were apartment-hunting. The old place had changed owners and City Heights was going to hell in a handbasket. We ended up choosing this place in Highland Park. I fought for it because it was reasonably priced, had hardwood floors, and had its own washer/dryer in the apartment. I love this place, I really do. Moving in was a two-week ordeal. I was working like a dog for Aspen most of the time, not to mention it was the end-of-semester hoo-hah at school. On the very last day of May, we ended up packing by candlelight until dawn (the power was already shut off). My birthday was kind of a bust, what with the work and moving. I turned 34. Something else from May: the church choir put on a concert featuring the music of ABBA, Gershwin, and selections from Wicked. Even though I was completely unprepared for the show, it was a great time.

The summer continued with me working for Aspen, teaching a summer class at LACC, and writing program notes for LACO and the SPCO. I barely slept. It was nuts. As part of my LACC duties, I took on three independent study students who came for private lessons during the summer. I also began working with T, writing down his compositions. I visited Aspen again in May, and this time I had company. I worked in the office while I was there, and it was great fun. I like Aspen a lot. It's different from a lot of other places I've been. In addition to all of this madness, I was preparing for the Singapore tour with the church. I had a lot of rehearsals and it made home life a little tense. So did all of my jobs.

At the end of July, we went home for a visit. That's where and when the break-up happened. I returned to Los Angeles early and stayed with friends to give J time to find another place to live. My folks came to help out for a few days after that. Two weeks later, I was in Singapore. The whole trip was a beautiful experience: singing, sharing the culture, getting to know the staff and the boys of Boystown (for whom we did our benefit concerts), and eating, eating, eating. It was a good time for me to get away, and I couldn't have gone much further from L.A. without getting closer to it. In other words, it was about as far away as I could've gotten, and that was just fine by me. When I returned, I eventually moved back into my apartment.

School started up again and work became the rock of my life. I didn't feel very social, but I tried to get out now and then. I started therapy. I decided I despised living alone and got a roommate. With his help, I redecorated my apartment. I bought an XBox and Rock Band and declared my apartment to be the nexus of fun. T and I started a band in the world of that game called Monkey Deathcar. I continued to work my butt off for SPCO and to work on other publications to (hopefully) ensure that I get tenure next year. A colleague at work and I started an Opera Club for the students interested in singing that repertoire. That took up far too many hours of my life, but it ended up being a great experience.

Over the summer, I interviewed for the position of Self-Study Editor for the Accreditation Committee for LACC. I got the job and spent the better part of the fall semester editing my fool head off. I guess I missed doing that when the Aspen job ended in August (or I'm certifiably insane, you decide). The semester went off without a hitch. All of my tenure evaluations went fine. The only question the committee had for me was: "When do you sleep?" To which I should have answered: "Is that what lazy people do when they close their eyes at night?" (Credit Jon Lee for that one.) I sang a bunch of student compositions in a concert at the end of the semester, and I also performed in a benefit with Bunnies and Kitties. I went to a MACCC conference in San Diego in November, and got to visit my friend Di as part of the fun. I became better friends with Monica, Cat's cousin because of a couple of fun visits. I hosted my very first Thanksgiving with T cooking one of the best turkeys ever made. And believe me, I would know; I eat a lot of turkey.

Which brings me to some general year stuff: 2008 was the year I started singing with Bunnies and Kitties (the anti-folk duo consisting of Rafa and me), the year I joined Facebook and reconnected with a million old friends from everywhere, the year Monkey Deathcar became HUGE in Amsterdam, the year I ate beef and pork for the first time in 16 years, the year I started watching Psych and Six Feet Under, the year I became single for the first time in  nine and a half years, the year I reconnected with my oldest friend from high school, the year I bought a leather couch, the year I got serious about blogging, the year I really started to learn how to get places, the year April and Cooper were born, the year that everything changed.

If life is change, 2008 proved that I am vibrantly alive. So fare-thee-well, 2008. You were full of surprises, laughter, and tears. And even with all that upheaval, I wouldn't change a single moment. 

~Hero

P.S. the DecaAwesome list will return next week. Stay tuned!