Index card box with flowers

When I was in first grade, one of the activities we had in school was a reading group. For this group, we were required to have, among other things, an index card box. Into this box, we placed index cards with new vocabulary words. My Mom bought me a metal box which was decorated with pastel blue flowers. It had a yellow trim on the lid of the box and the leaves of the flowers were a light pastel green. But, Hero, you're probably saying, that was almost thirty years ago! How can you remember that box so well?

Well, because I'm not remembering it. I'm describing it because it's sitting right here on my desk at work. Yes, almost three decades later and three thousand miles away from where I first used it, this index card box is one of a few relics from my childhood. A lot of the stuff I grew up with is gone or still in my parents' house (sorry about that, Mom and Dad). A lot of the games I shared with my sister are with her (she's been in one place longer than I have). And when I moved out of NY nine years ago, I didn't take everything with me. So I have a few special things, including this index card box, and when I look at it, as I'm doing today, it makes me think of how much has changed over the years. I also think of what hasn't changed.

I'm still in school, for one. I'm a teacher and not a student, but learning is still my business every day. I'm taller. I don't wear a uniform every day (although some days I wish I did). I'm not afraid of Sister Anne anymore. I still hope that I am good enough. I still work hard. I still suck at sports. I handle stress better. I am more confident in my abilities. I'm a better friend. I'm more accepting of people. My handwriting is much, much worse. I still can't draw. I still play piano (slightly better now). I still like to color with crayons. I still fall asleep on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. I still don't like milk. I still love music and singing, but my voice is much stronger now. I'm clumsier now because my feet got big. My hair is darker, thanks to Loreal. I'm still something of a morning person. I still like scrambled eggs and cookies, but not at the same time. I don't like soda anymore. Ernie and Animal are still my favorite muppets. I watch less television now, but more movies. I like cantaloupe. I eat the stems of broccoli now (I never would as a kid). I stopped believing in some important things, but I still believe in magic and wishes and possibilities. I still have dreams, and some are even the same.

My vocabulary is bigger (the box helped with that, I guess), my world is bigger, my life is bigger now. But at the center of everything, I'm still the little girl who probably had to carry this little box to first grade in her two tiny hands. There's something beautiful about that.

DecaAwesome List for the week of 2/16

1. Cadbury Creme eggs. Holy smokes, these things are good. They have always been a favorite for me. Some people think they're too sweet or some other nonsense, but they are truly deliciousness.

2. The movie Waiting. I just got it on Netflix at the recommendation of T, and it was seriously the funniest thing. That last scene at the party is priceless. I knew that the "game" was going to be a vital part of the ending. Anyone who knows narrative structure knows that. But here's the thing: I didn't see what happened coming, and I was freaking delighted by that.

3. Hiking. It's not usually the tippy top of my list of fun activities. Y'all know I'd rather sit and read a book or something nerdy like that. But T was dying to get out of the city for a hike, so we drove up to Santa Barbara and did a gorgeous hike that had wicked caves and my very first Geocache.

4. Geocaching. Geocaching is a pastime wherein people leave stuff in locations and then post the stuff's location on the interwebs. Other Geocachers use their GPS devices to go find the "treasure." You write something on the requisite notebook inside, leave something (I left a hackey-sack) and maybe take something (I took a "Think Green" button). Then when you get home from your adventure, you can go online and talk about what you left or took. It's like fandom, only instead of Harry Potter, you get ammunition boxes full of band-aids and gum and a nearly empty fifth of Vodka. I don't see myself becoming a Geocacher, but it was fun to find an unexpected treasure in a cave.

5. Half.com. You can really find stuff for half price or less on this thing. To paraphrase the jingle, I'm never never never paying full price again. Oh wait, that's Marshall's. Still.

6. Alanna Ubach. I first encountered her as Beakman's assistant on Beakman's World (a funny science-type show in the Mr. Wizard vein...but much cooler). She's beautiful, but she always plays these hilarious character roles. She was Marsha Brady's lesbian admirer in the Brady Bunch Movie. She was one of Elle Woods' sorority sisters in Legally Blonde. She was the Latino lady who ushered Ben Stiller into manhood in a flashback sequence in Meet the Fockers. Tonight, she was hilarious in Waiting. I just found out she doesn't have a Wikipedia page. Someone has to do something about this. Maybe I need to step in. You are under-appreciated by most people, Alanna, but not by me. Not by me. 

7. Mrs. Butterworth's syrup. I grew up with Aunt Jemima, and she was great, but Mrs. Butterworth's syrup is thicker and just absolutely yummy. T introduced me to Mrs. B months ago, and that meant saying goodbye to Aunt J., but I did, and I've never looked back.

8. The Harlem Globetrotters. I took Cael to see HGs on Sunday. We got some $16 seats (which were remarkably excellent), bought a program and some cotton candy and we were set. The HGs put on a funny show. Cael and I even got photographed for the HG fansite. 

9. Avocados. They're already delicious, but then they make Guacamole out of it. I never ate these before, but I eat 'em now and they rock.

10. Magazines. I bought a couple this week as a guilty pleasure. I just finished two big jobs for two orchestras, so I thought I deserved a treat. The magazine I'm enjoying most? A little publication called Storage. Yes, it's a magazine put out by Better Homes and Gardens dedicated to closet systems, rubbermaid containers, cubbies, nooks, and baskets. Apparently when I can't handle informative non-fiction or complex narrative, I can handle pretty pictures featuring cubbies and nooks.

DecaAwesome List for the week of 2/9

1. Doughnuts. I'm not a huge fan of doughnuts. In fact, when there's a box with free doughnuts sitting in the office at work, I'd say 90% of the time, I just walk right on by. But I've been watching a lot of Dexter, and they are always eating doughnuts on that show. So I had a craving. I fulfilled the craving with a strawberry-frosted sprinkle-licious doughnut from 7-11. It was great. I suspect that I'd get doughnut cravings more often were there Dunkin' Doughnuts in my local area. There aren't, so I weigh less. Which I suppose is a good thing. Because the DD Coffee Roll? Yeah, hard to say no to.

2. Morgan Freeman. Earlier this week, I saw a little indie film with him called 10 Items or Less. He played a character that was basically himself, and he was brilliant and funny and self-deprecating. His co-star, Paz Vega, was also great. It turned out to be a very touching film. That guy can do anything. From being Easy Reader to giving voice to the Penguins to acting the hell out of any part he's given, he's a national treasure.

3. A clean room. I was so thrilled to have finished, like, 90% of my room cleaning before the first day of school. There's nothing like starting over with a clean slate. I'm really happy with the way things worked out with moving stuff around and throwing stuff away.

4. iTunes. I love having my music collection on iTunes. I make playlists all the time. I can burn 'em to disc and listen to them in the car. I can share them with people. This week, I used iTunes to burn recital songs for my accompanist. Now he knows all the tempos I want.

5. Reading in the bathtub. New favorite thing. I never got it when people did this on Tv and in the movies, but now I see how relaxing it can be. And if the book gets wet, so what. The crinkley paper will just remind me of feeling really relaxed and enjoying my favorite pastime of reading.

6. Nick Hornby's Slam. I didn't get this novel when it first came out because I was waiting for the paperback, but Dan lent it to me over winter break and I just finished it. First of all, I love NH. I think he's amazing. The kind of writer I would like to be. Second, Slam was his stab at a young adult novel, and I think he did brilliantly with it. I enjoyed it a lot.

7. Home hair coloring. My hair is black now and it cost me $9.00. I did it all by myself, although my roommate helped me get all the spots I missed. My hair looks awesome, if I do say so myself.

8. Waking up and not feeling tired even though you really should be. My friend Tina stayed over Wednesday night, and she didn't get in until late, but I had to wake up at the crack of dawn to do something at school. I didn't get much rest, but when the alarm went off in the morning, I was ok. Nothing is worse than dragging yourself out of bed when you can barely move, so I was pleased that I just got up, no problem.

9. Pencils that use .7 lead. I know this is geeky as hell, but I have a bunch of pencils that use .5 lead and they just require more effort. The .7 lead is thicker and makes broader strokes, but you still have the accuracy of a mechanical pencil.

10. The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke was amazing in this heart-breaking film. He was so completely the character, it's like it was a documentary rather than a narrative film. I'm just like...guh...it was good. Good on you, Mickey.

Bonus: Entenmann's Valentine's Day Cupcakes. I just got a box from my folks for V-Day (and a beautiful card came with it), and those cupcakes are so fresh and sweet and delicious. I'm going to eat one right now. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

In the Moment

It's hard to live in the moment. It's hard to stay focused on the thing you're doing, and not have your mind wander to something else. It's especially difficult to live in the moment when you have done something a million times. How many people focus on the laundry while they're doing it? How many people register the wetness of the clothes when they're moving them from washer to dryer? How many people appreciate the soft warmth of the clothes when they come out of the dryer? How many people take the time to fold a shirt and stand back to look at the neat little shirt package they have created?

I have been cantoring at church for a few years now. I'm one of the more relaxed cantors because I have a lot of musical experience, and I can usually handle a curve ball here and there, no problem. In fact, if truth be told, sometimes my mind wanders a little while I'm working, especially when the songs are familiar. I kinda just snap to attention when the intro to the song starts, and when it's all over, I can lapse back into my thoughts. I'm not saying I do this all the time, I'm just saying that it happens now and then. I don't always stay in the moment.

The cantors have a rotation going where each cantor sings Saturday evening mass once every seven weeks or so. Last week was my week. I try to get there about a half hour before mass so I can go over the songs with the organist (he plays only on Saturday nights), but I did not have that luxury last Saturday. I got caught in traffic on the way there and made it to church with about 5 minutes to spare before mass. There were a number of songs I had never seen before, and some musical tidbits I knew I was going to have to figure out on the fly. It was a little nerve-wracking, but the payoff was this: I was "in the moment" the whole time. When I sang each song, I was concentrating on each and every note, every phrase, every word. And more than that, I was aware of how I was leading the congregation. I made more of a connection with them because I was leaning on them for help and encouragement, and they came through brilliantly.

I doubt if anyone noticed anything was different. I doubt if anyone noticed I was working harder than usual, or that I was more focused. I'm sure the end result was similar to the end result the congregation gets every week, from all the cantors. But being "in the moment" isn't about the end result. In fact, it's got absolutely nothing to do with that. It's about the experience of the process--while it's happening. It's being able to stand in line at the supermarket and just stand in line. It's the ability to take an every day event and make it the focal point of your life, even for ten minutes. It's the ability to enrich every experience with your full participation. So I'm making a conscious effort to do that more often, and not just when traffic (or anything else) forces me to.

Living in the moment is also about not dwelling on the past, but that's a lesson for another day...

~Hero

DecaAwesome List for the week of 2/2

Here's a list of then things that rock this week.

1. Wogging. It's my term for walk-jogging. Since I'm still out of shape it's what I do on my morning run. I jog until my heart explodes and then I walk for a while. When I'm out of the near-death zone, I jog again. I do this for thirty minutes just about every morning.

2. Tiger Beer. It's from Singapore and it's delicious. Some friends found a place in L.A. that sells it, and brought some over for the Superbowl. I had heard of Tiger before I went to Singapore because it was a beer that novelist Anthony Burgess (A Clockwork Orange) drank when he lived in Malaysia. One of his first novels is actually called Time for a Tiger. I bought my very first Tiger off of a food cart in Singapore. The beer was as ice cold as the day was steaming hot. I drank it while I walked down the street. You can do that in Singapore. It's brilliant.

3. Puffs Plus tissues. These lotion-y tissues are a godsend when you're sick. My roommate has a cold right now and I'm coming down with it too, so I'm heading to the store tomorrow to replenish my supply.

4. Crystal Light. Now that I'm on this "live-it" (as opposed to "diet," thanks, Jon!) I can't drink as much of my beloved lemonade. So I've been drinking Crystal Light and it's really not that bad. I used to only drink it when hiking, but it's nice as a drink to break up the monotony of water, water, water.

5. Strawberry Nutri-Grain bars. A delicious breakfast on the run. I love strawberries. I even love strawberry-flavored things. Other berry-flavored things, not so much. 

6. the L.L. Bean Boat and Tote. K and C got me one for Christmas (it's got "Gryffindor" stitched onto it and it's house colors!!!) and it is a freaking awesome bag. Been using it as my schoolbag for wintercession. I can tell I'm going to be using this thing forevs. Thanks, guys!

7. Facebook. What can I say? The status bar, the pictures (I get excited when I see that someone's tagged me in a photo!), my Wall. I enjoy it very much. I'm not on it every day, but I love checking in and seeing what folks are doing. I also like coming up with interesting things to put on my status bar. Status bar statements have to be true, but I like them to be interesting as well. 

8. Good Superbowl games. This one was actually an interesting game to watch. Not like other Superbowls that were blowouts or boring. There were challenged calls, stunning reversals of fortune, and a dude running 100 yards for a TD. A dude whose heart almost exploded. You could tell.

9. Clementines. Just bought a new box and I am enjoying them so much. So fresh. So juicy.

10. Caffeine. I don't drink coffee or soda or anything with caffeine, but when I'm really dragging, I take a caffeine pill. It's a pretty rare thing; I do it maybe once a month under normal circumstances. The weird thing is that I don't get the obvious feeling of being more awake. No, I gradually start feeling like everything is going to be just fine. I'm going to get everything done on time and under budget. It makes me want to make more lists and get organized. The caffeine provides a truly pleasant sensation, but I won't overuse it because I don't want it to lose its effectiveness.