The theme of this week's list is high school. Here's a list of ten things that I loved about my high school, St. Francis Prep, Fresh Meadows (that's Queens for all you west coasters), NY.
1. The Alvernian Drama Society. Where else could misfits of all sizes, shapes, and stripes find a haven...and put on dramas and musicals! I have so many good memories of building sets, rehearsing dance numbers, and just hanging out with the coolest, funnest, most interesting people in my school. I made friends there, gained self-confidence there (and promptly lost it again in the next round of auditions), and basically grew up there. I laughed, I cried, I saw turtles in the sky, it was a brilliant thing.
2. The 7-day schedule. We had this overly complicated schedule that we all accepted without question. Here are some of its nuances: every class was assigned a letter A-G (not to mention H period which you could take before official classes began every day); every day, one class would "drop out" and the following day that class would meet for an hour, and then the day after that, that class would be first period. So day 1 was ABCDEF (G dropped out); day 2 was DFEGAB (fourth period "G" was an hour long); day 3 was GADCBE. We had funny mnemonic devices to remember this schedule, including the, er, habits and preferences of some of our beloved teachers. Some were generic, like day 2: Drugs For Every Girl And Boy.
3. The Music Department. Particularly Mr. Zuar's choir, Mr. Zuar's Music History class (I'm a freaking musicologist, so it must have had one hell of an impact), and Mr. Motley's RepCo. I just sang my fool heart out for four years running. Good teachers who were funny (intentionally, and otherwise) and knowledgeable and made me love music so much that I made it my career. The jazz band was pretty awesome too, as I recall.
4. The Seraph. Our newspaper. I wrote features for this thing for all of my four years at the school. At the beginning of junior year, they gave me a regular column to write. I called it "The World Through My Eyes" (with apologies to Depeche Mode). It was basically like this blog, but in print form and with more typos. My junior and senior years, I won a bunch of High School Press awards for my column and for other stories I wrote. It was good experience, and it was the beginning of my (possibly incorrect) thinking that people might actually care what I have to rant about.
5. Joe Claro. My junior year English teacher. His first day at Prep was my first day of junior year. He is quick-witted, hilariously deadpan, and superknowledgeable. We hit it off right away, and we are still friends now. I had lunch with him when I was home visiting at Christmas. Way back when, he helped me find my voice as a writer, and he continues to encourage my work. He is a lovely human being, and Joe and his wife Fran are like family to me.
6. The stage in the auditorium. Seriously, one of the biggest stages I have ever seen at a school. It also dwarfs some Broadway theater stages. It's not only wide, it's deep. And when I watch old RepCo tapes (yes, I still have some), I am amazed at how many people we crammed on that thing. I spent half my time at Prep on that stage. It was like home to me.
7. Three lunch periods. Freshman had "first lunch," i.e. the first half hour of the 1 1/2 hour fourth period/lunch thing. After first lunch, freshman had the whole hour period and the afternoon. It made the afternoon drag on interminably, but at least freshmen didn't have to fight with upperclassmen for food. Juniors had "last lunch," i.e. the last half hour of fourth period. So juniors would have their first four periods (last one of those was the "hour" period) and then lunch. Last lunch made the afternoon go very quickly. Seniors had "split lunch," i.e. a half hour stuck in between two halves of the hour period. Made the hour period fly by. I think sophomore lunch was a wild card. Could be any of them. This was a really good system. The school was huge, so this was a way to feed everyone and stagger the crowds.
8. Cafeteria pizza. God help me, I love that stupid square pizza. I loved it at the roller rink, and I loved it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in the Prep cafeteria. Honorable mention: those chocolate chip cookies that came three in a package.
9. Eating outside. I and the other misfits ate our lunches away from the madding crowd of cafeteria folks. When the weather really sucked, we'd compromise and eat on the steps, but we tried to stay out of that hornet's nest whenever possible.
10. The smartness of the student body. You had to test to get in, and the standards there were pretty rigorous. Being smart wasn't something you needed to be ashamed of there. It wasn't something you had to hide (like it was in middle school), it was something that was valued, both by the teachers and by the other students. I had friends who were brilliant scientists and artists, and who made the environment fun and stimulating. Only during my Ph.D. studies at USC did I find myself in that kind of environment again.
Bonus: Michele Filorimo. Still one of the funniest people I have ever known. She was a sophomore when I was a freshman, and she took me under her wing. We were unselfconsciously weird together, and I am so excited to still call her a friend. She was my heart during our three shared years at Prep.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
Ch- Ch- Ch- Ch- Changes
If you ask 100 people if they want an exciting life of change vs. a life of routine, most people would say: give me that exciting life! But in reality, some of those same people crave routine and will stick to it slavishly even if they are unhappy and unfulfilled. Some will go so far as to defend it when questioned, and will go to great lengths to ensure that it continues, even if they hate it (they can't admit to themselves that they hate it). And don't think I'm making this point because I'm so far above this behavior; I defended my choices even when I knew they were wrong, and I stayed in an unhealthy routine for years. I suppose I'm something of an authority, but only because I've been there and done that.
When I finished school a couple of years ago, I looked for teaching jobs all over the country. Because of my relationship, I tried to limit my choices to coastal places and cities with film industry connections. I suppose I was ready to move to these places, although I don't know what the reality would have been had I gotten one of these jobs. As it happens, I did get a full time job, a year after I graduated, at a school that was 1.1 mile away from my apartment. Now, I made a compromise and took a job teaching my second area of expertise, not my first choice, and it's still something that bothers me from time to time. But still, here I was with a job, and I didn't have to move, change my cell phone number, buy clothes for a different climate, or say goodbye to my friends.
The friends I graduated with, however, are still looking for jobs all over the country. And it looks very likely that I will be the one staying here, while they are spread to the four winds away from me. V and Z moved to England, and now V has an awesome full-time gig in the midwest. R just had two interviews in the last two weeks, one in Ohio, one in Texas. Now she's got a phone interview in Anthens, GA. RM is looking everywhere for work, and KC has some possibilities that would take him at least three hours away from L.A.
So, change comes, whether you like it or not. I may have gotten a job that meant I didn't have to do another cross-country move, but my old friends seem to be leaving, one by one. Even though it's sad to lose their physical presence in my life, I understand that true friendship is stronger than distance (and having Facebook doesn't hurt). Not to mention that I am so incredibly proud of my friends who are getting jobs in this crazy economy, and I'm grateful that they are able to teach and share their gifts with students. It's bittersweet, I guess.
I have dreams of my own, of course. Dreams of leaving L.A. for a while and traveling, making my living by writing. Making change a way of life. I don't know when and if that will happen. I don't know if I will end up staying in my beautiful job long-term, or if I will ever again live close to my best friends. Uncertainty doesn't bother me that much. I'm a very roll-with-the-punches kind of person. I'm a river that keeps flowing, around obstacles, through passageways, and over ground, both rocky and smooth.
What I am certain of is this: I do know that whatever circumstances I find myself in, they will definitely change, either by the increasing chaos of time's arrow, or by my own hand. Luckily, I'm good friends with chaos, and I'm just crazy enough to shake things up when they get boring.
~Hero
When I finished school a couple of years ago, I looked for teaching jobs all over the country. Because of my relationship, I tried to limit my choices to coastal places and cities with film industry connections. I suppose I was ready to move to these places, although I don't know what the reality would have been had I gotten one of these jobs. As it happens, I did get a full time job, a year after I graduated, at a school that was 1.1 mile away from my apartment. Now, I made a compromise and took a job teaching my second area of expertise, not my first choice, and it's still something that bothers me from time to time. But still, here I was with a job, and I didn't have to move, change my cell phone number, buy clothes for a different climate, or say goodbye to my friends.
The friends I graduated with, however, are still looking for jobs all over the country. And it looks very likely that I will be the one staying here, while they are spread to the four winds away from me. V and Z moved to England, and now V has an awesome full-time gig in the midwest. R just had two interviews in the last two weeks, one in Ohio, one in Texas. Now she's got a phone interview in Anthens, GA. RM is looking everywhere for work, and KC has some possibilities that would take him at least three hours away from L.A.
So, change comes, whether you like it or not. I may have gotten a job that meant I didn't have to do another cross-country move, but my old friends seem to be leaving, one by one. Even though it's sad to lose their physical presence in my life, I understand that true friendship is stronger than distance (and having Facebook doesn't hurt). Not to mention that I am so incredibly proud of my friends who are getting jobs in this crazy economy, and I'm grateful that they are able to teach and share their gifts with students. It's bittersweet, I guess.
I have dreams of my own, of course. Dreams of leaving L.A. for a while and traveling, making my living by writing. Making change a way of life. I don't know when and if that will happen. I don't know if I will end up staying in my beautiful job long-term, or if I will ever again live close to my best friends. Uncertainty doesn't bother me that much. I'm a very roll-with-the-punches kind of person. I'm a river that keeps flowing, around obstacles, through passageways, and over ground, both rocky and smooth.
What I am certain of is this: I do know that whatever circumstances I find myself in, they will definitely change, either by the increasing chaos of time's arrow, or by my own hand. Luckily, I'm good friends with chaos, and I'm just crazy enough to shake things up when they get boring.
~Hero
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Big Event
If things had gone in one direction (and I'm sure such events are still taking place in a parallel universe somewhere), I was supposed to get married this year. The date was set for July. As we all know, this course events was averted through my own efforts, and now that date is just another Saturday. But, something happened this week that has many elements of a wedding: I gave a recital.
How it was like a wedding:
1) I got to wear a pretty dress. It wasn't white, but it was ivory, almost a light butter-yellow. It was sparkly and twinkly and flattering. I didn't have multiple fittings (I didn't even have it altered), and it cost me less than most regular dresses, and probably 5% of what a real wedding dress costs.
2) I had my hair and make-up done for the occasion. A student of mine, YJ, turned the middle part of the Music Office in an ersatz salon, which was funny. Despite the surroundings, she did a spectacular job. It was perhaps the prettiest I will ever look.
3) It took a lot of preparation. I spent months picking out and learning the repertoire for the concert. All the songs were new to me. I had the idea for a recital maybe a year ago, and I rehearsed and practiced and dedicated a lot of time to the planning and execution.
4) There were flowers involved. Of course, they all came after the fact, but that's okay. One of my students gave me the prettiest bunch of flowers I have EVER received. Gigantic orange roses (darker at the tips of the petals), huge lilies, and some flowers I don't even know what they are, all in one spectacular bunch. Wow. I also received other lovely bouquets which were beautiful and are decorating my house now.
5) Music was involved. Duh.
6) It was video-documented for future generations. The recital went so well, I was thinking about putting some clips up on YouTube. (Although, entre nous, I think that the lens on the camera is weird and that I look like a giant ivory whale at some parts of the video. Please note that I am not actually fat in real life. See the DecaAnnoying list for more details.)
7) Most importantly, my friends and colleagues came out to see it. Of course my family was missing from the picture, but that's why God made DVDs. Still, the place was packed--students sitting in the aisles--and it was just a room full of love and support.
How it was not like a wedding:
1) There was no reception or food. Later on in the day, though, a bunch of folks I know came out with me for drinks and eats, and we had ourselves a hell of a time.
2) It was inexpensive. The dress cost me next-to-nothing, and I didn't have to rent a hall or anything. I think the only thing I spent money on were downloads from iTunes, photocopies, and gifts for my accompanists and other helping hands. I don't even think anyone let me pay for drinks that evening either.
3) I didn't have to share the decision-making with anyone. That was nice.
4) I remained unmarried at the end of it. This might be my favorite part. I did have three accompanists share the stage with me, but none of them popped the question.
5) I don't have any pictures. Can you believe that? I forgot my camera and we had to vacate the recital hall quickly afterwards (there was something else going on in there), so I had zero photo-ops. Doesn't that just beat all?
The recital was only an hour, but I have memories that will last forever. I'm glad I did it, and I think it went really well. I don't know what the future holds for me, but whether a wedding is ultimately part of the grand scheme of my life, I'm sure recitals will make appearances now and then. It was a magical day, a day where I looked like a sparkly princess, and I got to go home and be just me at the end of it. That felt perfectly right.
~Hero
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The DecaAnnoying List
I'm not really a complainer. Occasionally, I'm a venter. Here's a venting list of 10 annoying things.
1. Abnormal lightbulbs. I have to spend some of my Saturday making a special trip to Home Depot to buy fluorescent bulbs for my kitchen light. *shakes fist at ceiling*
2. Cockroach characters. I saw Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D last night (and it was amazing), but one of the main characters is Dr. Cockroach, a man-sized insect of the roachy variety. And Wall-E's sidekick was likewise such a thing (albeit normal sized). Now, they're well-drawn (no pun intended) characters, but do they really have to be the thing that's, like, top 3 on my "willies" list?
3. No decompression period. I foolishly made my office hours come right after class. I didn't give myself a break because I wanted to get out earlier. The problem is, I come right out of a three-hour class and then talk for another two hours because the steady stream of students doesn't care that I haven't had a chance to eat yet. I'd like even just fifteen minutes to sit quietly and chill out before I have to face the hordes. The thing is, I have the power to change this, but when I'm making up my schedule, the siren song of getting out at 2:30 is extremely compelling.
4. The lack of good food on campus. We've made strides here with the opening of Tully's Coffee, but all of the sammies they sell have mayonnaise on them. And if you know anything about me, you know I hate mayonnaise. It turns out Tully's is probably the best chain coffee place in terms of environmental impact and the way they treat their employees, but the mayonnaisiness of their sammies keeps me brown-bagging it. Although now I know the head guy over there so maybe I can change this one too.
5. Missing mailboxes. There used to be two mailboxes that I mailed the lion's share of my stuff in. The one a block away from my apartment, and the one at the opposite end of campus. In the last couple of months, BOTH mailboxes have been taken away. Don't know why, but now I actually have to carefully plan when and where I mail stuff.
6. The fat content of chocolate and peanut butter. Why are Reese's Peanut Butter cups so caloric-ly resplendent? And the Reese's Eggs? I can't go a whole Easter season without eating a few of those, but then I'll have to skip linner or something. *sigh*
7. Facebook status comments. Why can't I respond to each comment separately? Gah. I end up making stupidly general statements that address nothing.
8. Catching up. I put off some important stuff while I was preparing for the recital and now I have to dive into it and catch up. Always like swimming against the tide.
9. Looking fat when you're really not. I don't know what's up with the lens on the video camera that captured my recital, but I look wide as a truck, and I know that's not how it was in real life. Some people who will see it might think, "hmm...I think she gained some weight," and the thing is, the day of the recital, I weighed the least I have weighed in maybe 9 years.
10. Laundry. Do I have to explain this one? Didn't think so.
1. Abnormal lightbulbs. I have to spend some of my Saturday making a special trip to Home Depot to buy fluorescent bulbs for my kitchen light. *shakes fist at ceiling*
2. Cockroach characters. I saw Monsters vs. Aliens in 3D last night (and it was amazing), but one of the main characters is Dr. Cockroach, a man-sized insect of the roachy variety. And Wall-E's sidekick was likewise such a thing (albeit normal sized). Now, they're well-drawn (no pun intended) characters, but do they really have to be the thing that's, like, top 3 on my "willies" list?
3. No decompression period. I foolishly made my office hours come right after class. I didn't give myself a break because I wanted to get out earlier. The problem is, I come right out of a three-hour class and then talk for another two hours because the steady stream of students doesn't care that I haven't had a chance to eat yet. I'd like even just fifteen minutes to sit quietly and chill out before I have to face the hordes. The thing is, I have the power to change this, but when I'm making up my schedule, the siren song of getting out at 2:30 is extremely compelling.
4. The lack of good food on campus. We've made strides here with the opening of Tully's Coffee, but all of the sammies they sell have mayonnaise on them. And if you know anything about me, you know I hate mayonnaise. It turns out Tully's is probably the best chain coffee place in terms of environmental impact and the way they treat their employees, but the mayonnaisiness of their sammies keeps me brown-bagging it. Although now I know the head guy over there so maybe I can change this one too.
5. Missing mailboxes. There used to be two mailboxes that I mailed the lion's share of my stuff in. The one a block away from my apartment, and the one at the opposite end of campus. In the last couple of months, BOTH mailboxes have been taken away. Don't know why, but now I actually have to carefully plan when and where I mail stuff.
6. The fat content of chocolate and peanut butter. Why are Reese's Peanut Butter cups so caloric-ly resplendent? And the Reese's Eggs? I can't go a whole Easter season without eating a few of those, but then I'll have to skip linner or something. *sigh*
7. Facebook status comments. Why can't I respond to each comment separately? Gah. I end up making stupidly general statements that address nothing.
8. Catching up. I put off some important stuff while I was preparing for the recital and now I have to dive into it and catch up. Always like swimming against the tide.
9. Looking fat when you're really not. I don't know what's up with the lens on the video camera that captured my recital, but I look wide as a truck, and I know that's not how it was in real life. Some people who will see it might think, "hmm...I think she gained some weight," and the thing is, the day of the recital, I weighed the least I have weighed in maybe 9 years.
10. Laundry. Do I have to explain this one? Didn't think so.
Monday, March 16, 2009
New DecaAwesome List
This is my 50th blog! Can you believe that? In honor of the occasion, here it is, my darlings: the DecaAwesome List for the week of 3/16. The theme of this week's special blog is: technology.
1. The internets. When I first started using the internet in my grad school research methods class the year was 1995. There were no search engines as we know them today. You had to type in long strings of letters and numbers and backslashes and forward slashes to get to the uncolorful, uninteresting-looking pages that held information. The majority of musicological research was still done on paper, and internet sources were quite a bit different than they are today. Not only have the internets (yes, I call them this, or the "interwebs") changed life as we know it, but recent public sites like YouTube have revolutionized the way I write program notes and teach voice. Great performances are at my students' (and my) fingertips. I don't have to run out and buy the CD or even download it from iTunes. It's right there for me to see and hear whenever I want, 24/7. And I'm not even mentioning the miracle of other sites I use daily.
2. "Series of Tubes." In 2006, this is how former Senator Ted Stevens (Republican, Alaska) described the internet. Yes, my loves, the internet is a series of tubes. It's just about the funniest thing I've ever heard, like ever. I once tried to tell this story to people, but I was laughing so hard, it took me 15 minutes to even finish the phrase, "series of tubes." Now, when I can't stop laughing (which happens often), I call it, "A 'series of tubes' moment." Read more about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Series_of_tubes
3. iTunes. Some days I wake up singing a song like "Tarzan Boy" or "Break My Stride" and I'll think to myself, 'wouldn't it be nice to hear that song again today?' and there it is on iTunes. I can get it, if you'll pardon the expression, for a song, at 99 cents.
4. Blackberry. Texting, the interwebs, email, all at my fingertips. I've also discovered the true joy of something I never used to do: ignoring it sometimes.
5. Netflix. Movies of your choosing come to your mailbox. When you give one back (and you can keep it for as long as you like), you get another one. If that isn't fast enough, you can watch movies instantly on your computer. My roommate and I burn through Netflix like a warm knife through buttah. We watch movies, documentaries, entire seasons of TV series, and cartoons. It's brilliant.
6. Texting. I've mentioned this before. I have trouble committing to phone calls lately. I only have little snippets of time between stuff to talk and it's hard to have a phone call like that. But little snippets perfect for texting. Also, I have a full keyboard so that makes texting easy.
7. Facebook events. I invited people to my recital using Facebook events. I have RSVP'ed for many Facebook events. It's a great way to share upcoming happenings, and since most people Facebook every day, you get a lot of responses right away.
8. Online banking and bill pay. Instant knowledge about how much you have or owe. You can know what checks have cleared and which ones are outstanding. You can transfer money from one account to another while sitting at home drinking cocoa in your pajamas. You can pay bills without using stamps. You can make sure that payment isn't late by submitting it today online. What could be easier?
9. Google Docs. I can share documents with people if I want feedback. I can keep documents in progress on Google Docs so I can work on them from any computer with internet access. It's a great backup for stuff, and I great way to make sure I'm always working from the latest draft.
10. Blogging. Months ago, when I put my "Blog-A-Week" project into effect, I just thought it was good writing practice. It ended up being good therapy, and it's something I look forward to every week. I love making these lists especially, because it encourages me to find special things that happen every week and to appreciate them. I celebrate them...in blog form. It's also a great way to share what's going on with me. The busier I am, the more disconnected I can feel. But if you read my blog, at the very least you'll know what I've been eating.
Thanks for reading. There's more to come.
1. The internets. When I first started using the internet in my grad school research methods class the year was 1995. There were no search engines as we know them today. You had to type in long strings of letters and numbers and backslashes and forward slashes to get to the uncolorful, uninteresting-looking pages that held information. The majority of musicological research was still done on paper, and internet sources were quite a bit different than they are today. Not only have the internets (yes, I call them this, or the "interwebs") changed life as we know it, but recent public sites like YouTube have revolutionized the way I write program notes and teach voice. Great performances are at my students' (and my) fingertips. I don't have to run out and buy the CD or even download it from iTunes. It's right there for me to see and hear whenever I want, 24/7. And I'm not even mentioning the miracle of other sites I use daily.
2. "Series of Tubes." In 2006, this is how former Senator Ted Stevens (Republican, Alaska) described the internet. Yes, my loves, the internet is a series of tubes. It's just about the funniest thing I've ever heard, like ever. I once tried to tell this story to people, but I was laughing so hard, it took me 15 minutes to even finish the phrase, "series of tubes." Now, when I can't stop laughing (which happens often), I call it, "A 'series of tubes' moment." Read more about it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Series_of_tubes
3. iTunes. Some days I wake up singing a song like "Tarzan Boy" or "Break My Stride" and I'll think to myself, 'wouldn't it be nice to hear that song again today?' and there it is on iTunes. I can get it, if you'll pardon the expression, for a song, at 99 cents.
4. Blackberry. Texting, the interwebs, email, all at my fingertips. I've also discovered the true joy of something I never used to do: ignoring it sometimes.
5. Netflix. Movies of your choosing come to your mailbox. When you give one back (and you can keep it for as long as you like), you get another one. If that isn't fast enough, you can watch movies instantly on your computer. My roommate and I burn through Netflix like a warm knife through buttah. We watch movies, documentaries, entire seasons of TV series, and cartoons. It's brilliant.
6. Texting. I've mentioned this before. I have trouble committing to phone calls lately. I only have little snippets of time between stuff to talk and it's hard to have a phone call like that. But little snippets perfect for texting. Also, I have a full keyboard so that makes texting easy.
7. Facebook events. I invited people to my recital using Facebook events. I have RSVP'ed for many Facebook events. It's a great way to share upcoming happenings, and since most people Facebook every day, you get a lot of responses right away.
8. Online banking and bill pay. Instant knowledge about how much you have or owe. You can know what checks have cleared and which ones are outstanding. You can transfer money from one account to another while sitting at home drinking cocoa in your pajamas. You can pay bills without using stamps. You can make sure that payment isn't late by submitting it today online. What could be easier?
9. Google Docs. I can share documents with people if I want feedback. I can keep documents in progress on Google Docs so I can work on them from any computer with internet access. It's a great backup for stuff, and I great way to make sure I'm always working from the latest draft.
10. Blogging. Months ago, when I put my "Blog-A-Week" project into effect, I just thought it was good writing practice. It ended up being good therapy, and it's something I look forward to every week. I love making these lists especially, because it encourages me to find special things that happen every week and to appreciate them. I celebrate them...in blog form. It's also a great way to share what's going on with me. The busier I am, the more disconnected I can feel. But if you read my blog, at the very least you'll know what I've been eating.
Thanks for reading. There's more to come.
Bitter with the Sweet
I've recently gotten some comments from people who think I've developed some bitterness in the last eight or so months. To those people I have two things to say: 1) "No I haven't!" and 2) "Well, if I have, I've earned it." My first reaction is to be righteously indignant, and to defend myself. No, I want to say, I'm just the same as I always was. My second reaction is different. Once I've had a chance to think about it, I realize that I have changed a bit, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I wouldn't be growing if I didn't change. And I suppose part of that change has resulted in me being a little more circumspect, a little more wary, and probably a little more bitter than I once was.
Here's the truth of it. There are things I just don't believe in anymore, and I don't know when or if I'll believe in them again. There are mistakes I've made that I'm not keen on making again, and if it takes a little bitterness to ensure that I don't fall into the same traps, then it's worth it. Perhaps I have lost some of the boundless patience people seem to expect from me. Perhaps I've lost a little bit of the spring in my step. I still think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I still believe in the essential goodness of humanity. I still think I've been blessed with more love in my short life than most people get in eighty good years. The sweet still outweighs the bitter, and I suspect that it always will.
So what if I have scars? I'd rather live fully and leave with scars and stories and laugh lines and, oh I don't know, maybe even a slight limp, than leave completely undamaged and bored as hell (see quote below). The best stories are the ones where everything goes wrong. I don't have a problem with making mistakes, or even having bad experiences. But I--and everyone else--must accept that they are going to change me, and they should, so long as they make me smarter and stronger and better.
Maybe I am more bitter than I was before, but if bitterness is a color (let's say a nice, rich burgundy), then a drop of it on my canvas won't obliterate my picture. No. That small amount is adding contrast and interest and depth. My painting is gaining something that comes with age (and in the case of art history, with Renaissance or rebirth): perspective.
~Hero
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, [beer] in one hand, [chocolate cake] in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'"
--author unknown [There are many variants as to what you should be holding in your hands. Fill in the blanks and personalize it!]
"You gotta take the bitter with the sweet."
--Carl, The Simpsons
Here's the truth of it. There are things I just don't believe in anymore, and I don't know when or if I'll believe in them again. There are mistakes I've made that I'm not keen on making again, and if it takes a little bitterness to ensure that I don't fall into the same traps, then it's worth it. Perhaps I have lost some of the boundless patience people seem to expect from me. Perhaps I've lost a little bit of the spring in my step. I still think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I still believe in the essential goodness of humanity. I still think I've been blessed with more love in my short life than most people get in eighty good years. The sweet still outweighs the bitter, and I suspect that it always will.
So what if I have scars? I'd rather live fully and leave with scars and stories and laugh lines and, oh I don't know, maybe even a slight limp, than leave completely undamaged and bored as hell (see quote below). The best stories are the ones where everything goes wrong. I don't have a problem with making mistakes, or even having bad experiences. But I--and everyone else--must accept that they are going to change me, and they should, so long as they make me smarter and stronger and better.
Maybe I am more bitter than I was before, but if bitterness is a color (let's say a nice, rich burgundy), then a drop of it on my canvas won't obliterate my picture. No. That small amount is adding contrast and interest and depth. My painting is gaining something that comes with age (and in the case of art history, with Renaissance or rebirth): perspective.
~Hero
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, [beer] in one hand, [chocolate cake] in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'"
--author unknown [There are many variants as to what you should be holding in your hands. Fill in the blanks and personalize it!]
"You gotta take the bitter with the sweet."
--Carl, The Simpsons
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
DecaAwesome List for the week of 3/9
1. Not taking a bath on taxes. I worked a lot of freelance last year so I was really scared about what I was going to owe. Luckily, I found a good accountant, kept good records, and bought some deductible stuff like a new computer, so I ended up paying an absolutely reasonable amount. How many people say that?
2. Patton Oswalt. Watched his Werewolves and Lollipops special last night. Two words, people: gray drapes. I almost had to stop the DVD because I couldn't stop laughing.
3. Girl Scout Cookies. Yo, it's about that time. Time for Thin Mints and Tagalongs, Do Si Dos and Trefoils. Bought four boxes at my accountant's office (the guy was selling for his daughter's troop). Left with money in my pocket and some Tagalongs!!
4. Sight reading. The process by which people can play or sing a song the first time they look at the music. Since starting college a hundred and six years ago, my sight reading skills have improved dramatically, and they keep improving. I don't take this skill for granted, because I have worked hard on it all of my adult life. It sure does come in handy at choir rehearsals and on mass days where I show up an hour late. (Yes, I'm one of those people who forgot to change my clocks.)
5. Birthdays. There are a lot of them coming up. Lots to celebrate. We had cake and pizza for one of the faculty today and there's more where that came from. March is a birthday-riffic month.
6. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I love this actor for a lot of things he's done. Most especially, he is Papa Winchester on Supernatural, but he was also the cutest thing ever in P.S. I Love You, where he played a hot Irish dude (and you get to see his butt!). But anyway, I started watching Weeds on DVD last night and he plays a dead guy in that show too! That makes three shows where JDM plays a dead guy in flashbacks, memories, or dreams: Grey's Anatomy (he started out alive, but then died), Supernatural (he started out missing, but alive, and then later died), and Weeds (the show is about his widow). Yay for JDM who just rocks the posthumous guest-starring gig! Also, he's hotter than the sun. Have I mentioned that? Also, I haven't seen Watchmen yet, but I think the death of his character starts the events of the film in motion. So, yeah, JDM and death, perfect together.
7. Stations of the Cross. Last night, there was a service at my church where we went through and meditated on each station of the cross (the steps Jesus took to his crucifixion). As far as I'm concerned, the Stations of the Cross service is the most moving service of the entire church year. I always feel really affected by it, and last night was no exception.
8. Making a difference. It's funny, sometimes the worst thing about your day can turn around and be the best thing a day later. I had some drama with someone earlier in the week, but I think we have both grown considerably because of it. I was so upset about it a couple of days ago, but I'm so glad that it happened now. I think we're both better off.
9. Time Magazine. I got this magazine for years when I was a student (big discount off the regular price), and I used to read it all the time. Well, I bought it in the supermarket last night and I'm enjoying it. It's a bit more...eh, how do I put this...it's a bit less than what it used to be, but I bet it appeals to more people now. Still, I'm enjoying it. Now that I don't have to worry about someone else's reaction to the news, I'm actually having fun learning about what's going on in the world.
10. John Adams. The composer. I got tickets to hear him speak at the Public Library in May. I am so excited. He's a great speaker and an interesting guy. I think there's going to be a book signing afterwards, so I will be sure to crack open his autobiography by then.
2. Patton Oswalt. Watched his Werewolves and Lollipops special last night. Two words, people: gray drapes. I almost had to stop the DVD because I couldn't stop laughing.
3. Girl Scout Cookies. Yo, it's about that time. Time for Thin Mints and Tagalongs, Do Si Dos and Trefoils. Bought four boxes at my accountant's office (the guy was selling for his daughter's troop). Left with money in my pocket and some Tagalongs!!
4. Sight reading. The process by which people can play or sing a song the first time they look at the music. Since starting college a hundred and six years ago, my sight reading skills have improved dramatically, and they keep improving. I don't take this skill for granted, because I have worked hard on it all of my adult life. It sure does come in handy at choir rehearsals and on mass days where I show up an hour late. (Yes, I'm one of those people who forgot to change my clocks.)
5. Birthdays. There are a lot of them coming up. Lots to celebrate. We had cake and pizza for one of the faculty today and there's more where that came from. March is a birthday-riffic month.
6. Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I love this actor for a lot of things he's done. Most especially, he is Papa Winchester on Supernatural, but he was also the cutest thing ever in P.S. I Love You, where he played a hot Irish dude (and you get to see his butt!). But anyway, I started watching Weeds on DVD last night and he plays a dead guy in that show too! That makes three shows where JDM plays a dead guy in flashbacks, memories, or dreams: Grey's Anatomy (he started out alive, but then died), Supernatural (he started out missing, but alive, and then later died), and Weeds (the show is about his widow). Yay for JDM who just rocks the posthumous guest-starring gig! Also, he's hotter than the sun. Have I mentioned that? Also, I haven't seen Watchmen yet, but I think the death of his character starts the events of the film in motion. So, yeah, JDM and death, perfect together.
7. Stations of the Cross. Last night, there was a service at my church where we went through and meditated on each station of the cross (the steps Jesus took to his crucifixion). As far as I'm concerned, the Stations of the Cross service is the most moving service of the entire church year. I always feel really affected by it, and last night was no exception.
8. Making a difference. It's funny, sometimes the worst thing about your day can turn around and be the best thing a day later. I had some drama with someone earlier in the week, but I think we have both grown considerably because of it. I was so upset about it a couple of days ago, but I'm so glad that it happened now. I think we're both better off.
9. Time Magazine. I got this magazine for years when I was a student (big discount off the regular price), and I used to read it all the time. Well, I bought it in the supermarket last night and I'm enjoying it. It's a bit more...eh, how do I put this...it's a bit less than what it used to be, but I bet it appeals to more people now. Still, I'm enjoying it. Now that I don't have to worry about someone else's reaction to the news, I'm actually having fun learning about what's going on in the world.
10. John Adams. The composer. I got tickets to hear him speak at the Public Library in May. I am so excited. He's a great speaker and an interesting guy. I think there's going to be a book signing afterwards, so I will be sure to crack open his autobiography by then.
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