Bitter with the Sweet

I've recently gotten some comments from people who think I've developed some bitterness in the last eight or so months. To those people I have two things to say: 1) "No I haven't!" and 2) "Well, if I have, I've earned it." My first reaction is to be righteously indignant, and to defend myself. No, I want to say, I'm just the same as I always was. My second reaction is different. Once I've had a chance to think about it, I realize that I have changed a bit, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I wouldn't be growing if I didn't change. And I suppose part of that change has resulted in me being a little more circumspect, a little more wary, and probably a little more bitter than I once was.

Here's the truth of it. There are things I just don't believe in anymore, and I don't know when or if I'll believe in them again. There are mistakes I've made that I'm not keen on making again, and if it takes a little bitterness to ensure that I don't fall into the same traps, then it's worth it. Perhaps I have lost some of the boundless patience people seem to expect from me. Perhaps I've lost a little bit of the spring in my step. I still think I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. I still believe in the essential goodness of humanity. I still think I've been blessed with more love in my short life than most people get in eighty good years. The sweet still outweighs the bitter, and I suspect that it always will.

So what if I have scars? I'd rather live fully and leave with scars and stories and laugh lines and, oh I don't know, maybe even a slight limp, than leave completely undamaged and bored as hell (see quote below). The best stories are the ones where everything goes wrong. I don't have a problem with making mistakes, or even having bad experiences. But I--and everyone else--must accept that they are going to change me, and they should, so long as they make me smarter and stronger and better.

Maybe I am more bitter than I was before, but if bitterness is a color (let's say a nice, rich burgundy), then a drop of it on my canvas won't obliterate my picture. No. That small amount is adding contrast and interest and depth. My painting is gaining something that comes with age (and in the case of art history, with Renaissance or rebirth): perspective.

~Hero

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, [beer] in one hand, [chocolate cake] in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!'"
--author unknown [There are many variants as to what you should be holding in your hands. Fill in the blanks and personalize it!]

"You gotta take the bitter with the sweet."
--Carl, The Simpsons