An Hour to Contemplate

I have an hour before class, so I'm thinking. About what, you may say? Well, I'm so glad you asked.

I started off today in a very discouraged mood. It's not so much that anything is really wrong, but I'm sure you've had a day where you feel you've been running hard and fast only to stop and see that you've gone nowhere at all. The truth of the matter is, I'm doing just fine. I'm not losing ground, but I feel like I'm gaining ground at such a snail's pace that I might as well be standing still.

Yes, I'm being overly dramatic. Yes, the facts tell me I'm in a fairly decent position in life. But that hardly matters when you've gotten yourself into a funk, now does it? I had ice cream at Scoops with Cael today, so that has brightened my mood considerably. A little commiseration, a little sugar, some soy milk, and a friendly ear work wonders. And in the midst of our convo, Cael said something to me that was really thought-provoking.

I said I was discouraged because I'm not quite where I want to be. I haven't found an agent or published a book yet even though I finished my first novel ages ago. I'm still cleaning up the financial mess from my last relationship and will be for years. I am currently engaged in a war with moths (long story). And yes, most vexatious, I am still NOT the voice of a cartoon character. After listening to me rant and ramble, Cael asked, "Isn't it great that you have somewhere you want to get to? Don't you think it would be boring if you had accomplished everything already, and still had three fourths of your life yet to live?" (Yes, I'm going to live to 140, thank you very much.)

He was right, of course. I don't want to be the person who peaks too early (but I do want to peak at some point). At high school reunions, I always feel so much pity for the prom queen or football hero whose life after graduation is one long, fat, decrescendo. I always want to believe the best is just waiting around the corner for me. Usually, I have no trouble believing that, but today was a moody day, so my friend had to remind me. That's what they're for, you know. Friends, that is.

That being said, I'm going to allow myself the rest of the day to be discouraged and moody and perhaps overly dramatic. One can't attack every day with energy and enthusiasm, but maybe tomorrow I'll kick the day's ass. We'll see how ferocious I'm feeling after a good dinner and a good night's sleep.