The Long-A** Journey into Jeopardy!

I just finished taking the online test for Jeopardy. I don't know how I did. I do know that I can remember about 20 of the questions I was asked (there were 50 in total) and of the 20, I tanked about half. It could be that I'm having an easier time remembering the ones that stumped me, but I don't know for sure. What I do know is that in the coming days my memory will start randomly spitting out more of the test questions--most likely while I'm about to fall asleep, and I'll have a better idea of how I did. I won't get an official grade for my performance; I won't get feedback of any kind. In fact, this is just the first of many steps to get on the show.

If I did well, and I'm one of the randomly chosen people (yes, some of it has to do with chance) from the "did well" list, then I go to take another test--this one in person. This can happen any time in the next year. The whole next year! If I ace in the in-person test, someone might interview me, and if I charm them ridiculously (you KNOW I will!), they might invite me to participate in a mock game to see if I can speak clearly and use the buzzer. Once I have successfully jumped through all the hoops, then, and only then will they invite me to be on the show. It might take two years or more if I have to take the online test again.

The practical upshot of knowing all of this hoo-hah about how the game works is that I watch the show differently now. Okay, my roommate can attest to the fact that I still yell all the answers out except for Final Jeopardy; for Final Jeopardy, you have to wait for the gap between when the music stops and when Alex reveals the answer. But now I look at the players differently. Now I know what they had to do to get on the show. (And frankly, I find it hard to believe some of them made it past the interview stage, but I suppose the Jeopardy people aren't necessarily looking for effervescent personalities.) Knowing this makes the occasional crash and burn all the more upsetting. If someone finishes in the red and can't participate in Final Jeopardy, that's a sucky ending to a long-ass journey. Likewise, if a contestant just can't find his rhythm and ring in--even though he seems to know most of the answers--it is indeed frustrating to behold. In fact, there are any number of ways someone's long-ass journey to Jeopardy! can end in tears, but is there more than one way you can leave feeling triumphant?

Yes, the winning money way. You can leave Jeopardy with your head held high if you win for multiple days and walk away with a wad of cash. I think you can be proud of yourself for fighting to the finish and being in the game the whole time, even if you ultimately lose. I'd really like to win for multiple days and walk away with some serious clams, but I would be even happier if I could do all that and 1) run at least one category, and 2) say to Alex, "I'd like to make it a true Daily Double."

But let's say the Fates are against you. Let's say you start Double Jeopardy in the hole, and then Alex reveals your nightmare board: for me it would have categories like "Obscure Geography," "Royalty of the Middle East," and "Calculus." Let's say you melt down and can't ring in, and if by the grace of God you make it into Final Jeopardy, the category is, "Business and Industry of China in the 1360s." What then? You bet the farm and go out swinging, I guess. Unless you think you can be the spoiler (if you don't know what this is, I can explain it). I suppose, though, that just being on the show will be an adventure, and even if you blow it bigtime in front of millions of people, you'll have a hell of a story to tell. It's not as cool as the 5-Day Champion Title and enough dough to pay off the student loans, but a good story is gold to a writer. And gold is worth something these days, right? Maybe?

So...in conclusion, it has begun. I took the test, and now I wait to see what happens. If nothing, I try again next January. I am on the road now, for better or worse. Was it Lao-Tzu or me who said, "The long-ass journey to Jeopardy! begins with an online test?" 

Please phrase your answer in the form of a question.